This is the first expanded piece on one of the 7 topics mentioned in my
first post on Orthodoxy in the Modern Business World.
In that first piece I suggested “We can and should feel proud of our religion and beliefs and can feel comfortable displaying it publicly.”
Interestingly, this suggestion was taken by almost all
commenters as referring to wearing a kippa (yarmulke). You will notice that I did not mention the word Kippa even once in this point. (Maybe it was the turbans that nobody seems to have seen, that threw people off.)
I was actually implicitly referring to many observances but I was explicitly referring to an attitude. How proud do you feel about your observances? Are you constantly running to hide them? When you need to put on tefillin in the morning and find yourself in an airport, do you wait for mincha and your quiet hotel room or do you put them on for shacharit in the airport (both are halachikly acceptable)?
Maybe I can illustrate this with a story: I was once invited to speak at a conference in Arizona on Sukkot (it is a very long story about how that came to be and why I accepted). It was before September 11 so I was able to take my Lulav with me. Just before that holiday, I received a present from a co-worker’s father (Benji Pushett) of a beautiful, wood, hard-covered Lulav case. It was perfect for travel (looked like a case for a pool cue). I went to synagogue on Sukkot morning in Phoenix and on coming back to my hotel in Scottsdale, I was stopped by someone I knew from the conference and asked what was in the tan “rifle”case I was carrying. I thought to myself, “Great, this is all I need; how will I explain this?” I thought through all the possible stories I could make up to weasel out of this. After thinking for a quick second about what to do, I decided to take this head on.
I said, “it is a palm branch that we use for religious service on what is called the Holiday of Sukkot.” To which my confronter responded “a lulab! I have not seen one of those since I went to synagogue around my bar mitzvah.” I could not believe my ears. First, I did not know he was Jewish. Second, the strategy of openness had worked. His next words were even more startling, “Do you mind if I make a blessing on it.” And there in the parking lot of the Phonecian Hotel in Scottsdale, Arizona we had a little Lulav reunion. From then on, I was completely sure that hiding or evasive behavior was not a good approach.
I have heard many stories, some of which will strike non-Jewish readers of the blog as strange or silly, of people covering their heads with paper to make a blessing, lest they be seen with a kippa (yarmulke). How about people stepping into a phone booth to pray and holding a phone as if they are on the phone (watch out for those phones that are out of order)? Ever hear of people washing their hands under the table? Trust me that these observances are no stranger than Catholics walking around New York City and elsewhere with blackened foreheads on Ash Wednesday or Muslims pulling prayer rugs out of their cars or backpacks in the airport (I have seen that in Phoenix).
I kind of think of religious practice or dress in the workplace in the context of the Nike commercial. Just do it. As I have said, it is no more or less strange than Catholic ash and you may have a positive impact on someone else and it important to be proud of your heritage. If that does not work for you, here is a different frame of thought: I find that most people respect you for your practices and beliefs. For the others, there are some who may stand near you in an airport or elsewhere but you will never see again and for those that you see often, well, they will need to get used to it anyway.
29 Comments:
while you did not mention kippa, it can be logically inferred from the way you contrasted Sikhs in turbans (head covering) with jews hiding their religious observance (for obvious reasons, the comment about rebels is ignored).
nice story.
Michael,
Having spent half my life as an Orthodox Jew, I remember well the akwardness you describe feeling as you observe religious practices in public. But living as an atheist for as many years, I now understand that as a man of faith, you are still in the majority, as demonstrated by your anecdotes. In contrast, atheists are far more reluctant to expose beliefs to others, due to the well-grounded fear of being stigmatized as amoral or worse. A kippa is much less provocative, I have learned, than skepticism. In just about every nation, "Faithism" is still stronger than anti-Semitism, and the result is a large, invisible minority of closet atheists who simply cannot in today's world expect the same respect that you get for your viewpoint.
David
Hi David, I am curious to know how did you stop being an orthodox jew and became an atheist. Teenage crisis? Too tired to put Tefilin every morning? Wanted a bite of this delicious lobster? Or maybe did you realize that if you take a glass (full) of H20 molecules (water in other words) and wait long enough (1 billion years roughly) then this water will turn into a living and thinking David Cowan. Boy, if you believe in that then you are the real man of faith! Myself I became an atheist when I kiss a beautiful shiksa for the first time. Not out of ideology as you can see. Sincerely, AC
an interesting psychological study showed that when a person insults another person, it tends to be more a reflection of the insulters insecurities than the intended victim. intuitively, this makes sense as we naturally feel that what bothers us most, is the same in everyone and will hurt them equally so we focus on them (e.g. someone who is subconscious of his weight, will insult the weight of the target).
AC- you should engage in deep introspection to elucidate why these elements of daily practice bother you.
btw, i must thank you, i've yet to see a more well formulated arguement to support creationism/intelligent design. Amazing how it can be reduced to a cup of water. (sarcastic)
it's a good thing you remained anonymous, it's quite difficult to respect someone who displays such a blatant lack of respect for others. and, if this is your method of attracting people to orthodoxy, i hope you do not work in kiruv (helping people become orthodox).
Back to michaels's article...
I believe, as you do, that all issues should be answered accurately, directly, and with confidence. Anything less is disrespectful to oneself and to others as well. But, I still believe that the kippa issue is very distinct; more than a lulav, etc. You made a distinction between reserved observances and public observances (‘the badge’). You seem to define ‘the badge’ as observing the rituals in a working environment with pride and without hiding. I make a distinction between continuous observances and time-frame observances (this sounds like a new Talmudic tractate already :-)). Continuous observances include titzit outside of one's clothes, long beard, side curls, and of course - kippa. Everything else is basically observances within a short time frame. (One could make a distinction between meals and all else within the time frame observances, but I will not). Most professional orthodox Jews only have the kippa dilemma within continuous observances. The rest are avoided. And I believe that the kippa can be avoided as well – and there is good reason for it too (see my comments on your previous post). So, do you feel that there is a distinction between kippa and the rest?
Coward,
You're right--I do believe that life emerged from primordial oceans. Sounds crazy, I know, but I happen to be compelled by the *evidence*. Also, it's true that shiksas and lobster are more fun than tefillin.
But teenage crisis? No, my skepticism began with university study of tribal mythologies through the ages, and culminated in a commitment to resolve away cognitive dissonance before I bequeth it to my children.
David
David, I haven't understand a word about what you said but that was probably the purpose. But basically I get that you went to University, read some poetry about oceans, used Cognos the software and got in touch with some Zulu tribes and the whole Universe opened to you. This is some smoky experience. But where did you find the "compelling" evidence that if you wait long enough, then primordial oceans (or basic H2O molecules to make it less poetic) will turn into a thinking human being. What a weird thing to claim that the water I am drinking is in fact a human in the making. Sounds like Soylent Green kind of evolution theory. BTW I appreciate you having fun with shiksas while eating lobster. Will try it sometimes. Yours truly, AC
david- out of curiosity, why do you refer to atheism as a belief?
While I am posting anon, I am not an AC :). I agree with PlayerTBNL that AC is out of line and offensive.
I am an Orthodox Jew and a proud one at that, having seen many other paths in life. I understand that a person can be aitheist but its interesting to see such conviction. I would be interested to hear the path to atheism from Orthodoxy. Its one thing not to like Teffilin, just dont wear them (and the like) but a change in entire belief system is another. Still, everyone is entitled to their own viewpoint. It would be great to set up a debate, but I don't think this is the forum, not my decision.
Lets keep this non-personal.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Player,
Your question delights me. Indeed, why refer to atheism as a belief? You are quite correct to point out the sloppy terminology.
The problem, of course, is that the word "believe" has come to mean more than "am compelled by the evidence". Rather, some people like to believe IN things, which means much more than an expectation that they simply exist. To say, for example, that I believe in America, or I believe in family values, is more than a factual assertion--it's a moral statement that implies one SHOULD act in a certain way.
Some others use the word more as a synonym for "guess" or "like to think" as in "I believe there may be an afterlife."
I was using the word in an outdated sense, as short-hand for "compelled by the evidence." Please allow me to do so here.
Indeed, though, it is more accurate to label atheism as a lack of belief than a belief. Atheists are skeptical--having seen so many myths and scams through the ages, we do not believe anything without evidence, even if told to us with great conviction. Literally, we have no use for Faith of any kind.
"So you have no faith in your family? No faith in people? In AMERICA???"
Don't let the ambiguity of language twist my meaning. I love my family and trust them to stand by me, based on the evidence. I'm delighted to live in America (which will get even better in January 2009), and love the freedoms and opportunities here, but that doesn't mean I must support my President's actions.
To quote Stephen Colbert at the National Press Club dinner, "I BELIEVE in America. I BELIEVE it exists. My gut tells me I live there."
David
First time reader here.
I think there's a difference between donning tefillin in an aiport and wearing orthodoxy as a badge at the workplace.
There's a much finer line to be aware of when dealing with religiosity at work, as you don't want to do anything that will offend someone or get you in trouble. However, at an airport, presumably your boss isn't there, so you are far less concerned about getting in trouble or offending anyone with your tefillin.
I worked in Canada. With short winter days I had to say Micha at work, but I didn't have a private office.
My solution, I reserved the departmental boardroom every day in time for mincha. After a while the receptionist in charge noticed that due to distractions I occassionally missed my "private meetings" (meditations? who knows what she thought). Eventually she suggested that she could remind me ten minutes before my meeting.
One day I finally was permitted my ten minutes before the "Big Boss" to present a proposal I'd worked on for months. I had not even begun when his phone rings ... for me! Surprise! He places it on speaker-phone. You can imagine the surprise of this very assimulated diaspora Jew when he heard the receptionist over the speaker-phone remind me that my "Private audience with the Kadosh Baruch Ho would commence in ten minutes!"
Footnote, he sent me off to keep my appointment with the Kadosh Baruch Ho and gave me 45 minutes upon my return. ;-) Divine providence!
Michael,
There is another topic that come to mind as being quite similar to the yarmulke issue: shaving (or not shaving) during Sfira, the Three Weeks, and Chol Hamoed.
One similarity is that as with the yarmulke it is quite common for rabbis to allow shaving during these periods if not doing so is seen as a conflict with parnassa (livelihood).
The question with both, at least for me, is that it is difficult to define, in light of today’s open society, how much one can “get away with” or “push the envelope” with one’s employer. It would be nice to be able to gauge how much not shaving during the Three Weeks means to my boss but since I don’t think he would find it easy to understand the complexity of “ I would like to not shave but I am allowed to do it if it is a problem”. Nor, in today’s legal environment, is my boss able to be honest with me even if he could relate to the complexity of the question.
I have friends who tell me that they don’t shave. They just explain it to the boss just like kosher, leaving early on Friday, etc. and there is no problem. Virtually everyone else though does in fact shave. It is hard to tell if the reason for choosing to shave is because of the underlying discomfort with standing out in the workplace (as may be the case with the yarmulke) or because of something more than that. I am very much of the class that one needs to train himself that while you don’t need to flaunt it there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and no reason to be ashamed. This is true for kosher and shabbos but also for yarmulke and shaving/not shaving
I am curious to hear what some other people feel, including yourself, on this topic and ones similar to it.
Good Shabbos,
Shaya
I am going to try to respond to some of the comments below in a series of comments
Shaya - I think you ask a poignant question. I have a rule that I follow in these cases of custom: when in Rome do as the Romans do. So in the US, where being clean-shaven is the norm, I shave. When in Israel, I do not shave during the 3 weeks since i think the Jewish state should accomodate that. That is my libertarian viewpoint in my home country.
I feel that Yarmulkes have become a norm in most parts of the UNited States, especially when explained early on in a business relationship. As I said, I think it is respected rather than looked askance at.
David -
I found your comments fascinating. Not so much your questioning spiritual journey but rather your thinking of atheism as a religious belief system and one that is not accepted in the circles you find yourself in. I was also impressed by your Safire-like semantic dance on the word belief.
By the way, I recommend a book called Genesis and the Big Bang by Gerald Schroeder which I think would give everyone commenting on David's comment an interesting view of evolution and religion.
Anonymous Coward -
You may not have been here on my opening post when I asked that people reveal their names so this can be an open discussion. Especially given the allegations you leveled against david, it would be worthy to come out from behind the mask.
let's add to the suggested reading list
"The Question of God: C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life"
a book based on a course he has given at harvard for over 25 years, Armand M. Nicholi compares Freud’s believer-turned-atheist-based reasoning against the believer-turned-atheist-turned-believer C.S. Lewis.
the book was also turned into a PBS documentary. i highly recommend it.
david,
whule etymologically related, belief is not synomymous with believe. nor is faith with believe. and i am certain that your family loves you.
during my college days, in training the new recruits to the debate team, i taught them there are two methods to win a debate, 1. undermine your opponents arument 2. present a more compelling one. while i can go on and attempt to prove to you what you already subsconsciouly know and will not consciously admit (parapraxis- use of the word belief) how science and nature and not in a god also requires belief, i'm not sure this is the appropriate forum. I also think the second method is the preferrable and more respectful (albeit more difficult) approach should you want to take this engage.
Not really a workplace issue, but a few years ago I was learning Daf Yomi while waiting for the pediatrician to examine one of my children. He asked what I was learning and, after a brief hesitation, I told him. The hesitation was because it was the sugya in menachot about which hear a two-headed person puts his shel rosh on. At that he became extremely animated and started asking serious questions about the halacha. It turns out, he said, he had known such a person early in his career.
As an investor in Benchmark who asked for my investment to be part of Benchmark Capital USA investment in Venchmark Capital Israel. I am concerned that you as as a dati person fail to answer repeated questions put to you by numerous similar Jewish investors. Why did Nacjman Shelef, the prime reason why I asked for my investment to be transferred to Israel and why i gave twice increased my investment in Benchmark, leave Benchmark so suddenly. He was the primary reason for my decision.I have uet to see a press statement or article in any of commercial magazine. When the Managing Partner and most most dynamic suddenly departs without warning it makes your kippa nervous.Why did Nachman Shelef leave Benchmark.I think you will be haunted by this question until you issue a prominent press statement.
Given that Benchmark Israel probably receives dozens of proposals a day. I am amazed that you have time for your irrelevant column. As a Benchmark Investor I am disturbed by the time you waste on the column.I can;t imagine that you were appointed to replace Nachman Shelef. By the way why did he resign as a fellow Benchmark Capital investor asked a few minutes ago. What does Benchmark hope to achieve by keeping his resignation quiet.Even more disturbing is that Nachman Shelef is not making himself for available for interviews
David Cowan will have different reasons for his change in perspective. But rather than deciding that water was the source of all life I have progressed from Orthodox to agnostic (not atheist).
My reasons are many and varied but in brief:
1) my being more convinced by biblical criticism than Rashi and other pashtanim
2) my increased knowledge in the Ancient Near East Civilizations surrounding ancient Israel (and such study leading me to believe that the Torah copied and improved (definitely improved) older surrounding cultures)
3) my increased knowledge of archaeology in particular that the Torah's narrative is not supported by facts on the ground (literally).
For the kiruv people - I read Schroder's book and I would say that it strongly influenced me to be religious (many years ago). However other than demonstrate that 6 days can mean something more - it won't solve any of the other conundrums raised above.
In summation it is with a very heavy heart that I reached the conclusion that I did. I wish the knowledge I have compelled me to strengthen my belief in Hashem and his Torah. I am isolated from family and community as a result of my knowledge but truth is more important than them.
Very interesting blog. With valuable information and tips.
It is a pleasure to read, even the archives.
Take the time to visit the following info at Click Here!"
This is a great Blog! But if you want to really
earn money from home work with a system that is
good and is as simple as owning your own
ATM Cash Machine!
ATM CASH
Player, you observed that "an interesting psychological study showed that when a person insults another person, it tends to be more a reflection of the insulters insecurities than the intended victim." Didn't Chazal point that out in Kiddushin (I forget which perek, except that it's not in the 1st one), millennia before there were professional psychologists?
As to the topic in general,one of the most difficult issues for me as a lawyer is explaining why I can't shake hands with a member of the opposite sex. People seem much more open to a kippah, davening, lulav or what have you than to what they misperceive as discriminatory.
Yankev
This is a very male perspective - the last thing I want is someone knowing that I am wearing a sheitel to work. It would raise a whole series of assumptions and prejudices that I feel would cross boundaries in a professional setting. On the other hand, I have never had trouble leaving early on a Friday afternoon (London in winter - Shabbat starts at 3.30 pm) as people do show respect for family time and a certain envy for the ability to switch out of our 24/7 world.
Modesty Blase -
I can certainly understand your position and have not considered the woman's side of this. Let me give it some thought.
ME
Post a Comment
<< Home